This day, 15 years ago changed my life and my family's life. This day 15 years ago, I was at my friends house having the time of my life and didn't think I would receive devastating news about my family.
You never think something like this can happen to you or your family. Why could God do this to a family? Why did you tear this family apart? How can we ever get through this? Yes, I did think those things. A 9 year old should never have to think about those things,but yes, I did. It's hard to admit that I had those feelings. I was mad at my Heavenly Father. Why did our older sister have to leave two little sisters behind? Why did a daughter have to leave her parents? What was Heavenly Father's reason for taking two lives?
We may never know why Heavenly Father took two special kids from our lives, but what I do know is, that he needed them back for a more important mission. We may not why, but I know they are in good hands and continue to watch over our family and friends.
There are times I do wish Kassi was here. I wanted her here to tell her about my first crush, first kiss, my first heartbreak, graduation, engagements, weddings, and the birth of my son. Those are times I wish I could call her up and tell her everything. My heart aches and wishes she was here, but actually she is always around us. She always has been.
It has taken me while to accept that. I always wanted her to appear to me or to give me signs. I was selfish and wanted her to tell me everything was going to be ok. I would hear of lost loved ones appearing to their families and I wanted that too. I was jealous and angry. Why couldn't I have that too? But, I did. I see her in everything. I feel that she is with us when we gather with family, when we have trials and so many other things. I can feel her the most through my beautiful son, Dezmin.
I see her through everything Dezmin does. I know she played a big part of preparing Dezmin for me. She took care of him and got to spend time with him before he was sent to me. Dezmin did know his Aunt Kassi and did get to see her. She is always with him and she is his is guardian angel.
I also see Kassi through my little sister. Taylor is a great example to me and has grown into a beautiful woman. She was just little when Kassi passed away. So much heartache for a little girl, yet she acted like the older sister. When I had seizures, Taylor would sit by the bathroom when I would take a shower just to make sure I didn't have a seizure in the shower. I didn't know she did this till much later. If that isn't a role of a big sister, I don't know what is. She is more of a big sister than I am and she is a wonderful aunt to Dezmin. I know Kassi is with us by the way Taylor is an Aunt to my beautiful boy. She is filled with so much love towards him and she looks so much like Kassi. When Tay walked down the isle to be married to Chris, It felt like Kassi was right by her side. I couldn't help but cry. I know she is with you Tay! Always remember that.
My parents, they are my superhero's! They have gone through so much, and yet they are still together! Still going strong! I can't imagine losing child. Now that I have a child, this will always be a fear of mine. I look at my parents and realize how strong they had to be for our family. Not only did they lose their first kid, but they had to keep going on for two other kids. I know they must of felt like shutting down, but they kept going for me and Tay. I know they made huge sacrifices for us and I know that I can never repay them for that. I must say though, they make amazing grandparents!
I know Kassi is always with us through the love they give to their grandson. The love and care they have for Dezmin shows me that Kassi is always with us.
It has taken me a while to grasp this. Of course I would love more signs or a visit from Kassi, but I know she is here. These are her signs! She helped me find my wonderful husband, and blessed me with a wonderful child.
I also see Kassi through my Cousin Kristina. Kristina, I am so glad you are still with us today! I can't imagine what you had to go through. My heart aches for you, but you are so strong! I know those scars on your body is a constant reminder of what happened 15 years, but it shows that you survived that and that you can survive anything that comes your way. I am so proud of you and the mother that you have become. I know Kassi and Dusty are with you Always! Thanks for everything that you do!
Bodkin Family, you guys are in my thoughts and prayers always! Dusty was a great guy and had a great sense of humor! I know he is with you guys too in everything that you do.
To everyone who has lost a loved one, you are strong! I know you may want signs or to see your lost loved one again, But I have testimony that they are always with you. They are with you in everything that you do. Always look for those signs. Those signs are through your family, your children and also at times when you feel like you can't go on.
Kassi, I can't wait to see you again. Everyday that passes by, I am one day closer to seeing you!
I miss you and love you so so much.
Till we meet again Kassi,
Kylee
1. God be with you till we meet again; by his counsels guide, uphold you, with his sheep securely fold you; God be with you till we meet again. Refrain: Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus' feet; till we meet, till we meet, God be with you till we meet again. 2. God be with you till we meet again; neath his wings securely hide you, daily manna still provide you; God be with you till we meet again. (Refrain) 3. God be with you till we meet again; when life's perils thick confound you, put his arms unfailing round you; God be with you till we meet again. (Refrain) 4. God be with you till we meet again; keep love's banner floating o'er you, smite death's threatening wave before you; God be with you till we meet again.
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